It's From your Mother

It's From your Mother

Yes We Ca.... Damn!

via Dirty Rotten Whore

Yes We Ca.... Damn!

via Dirty Rotten Whore

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via Naughty Bits

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via Naughty Bits

Hacked DOT Road Sign Reads "Impeach Obama"

I've seen pictures of the Zombie road sign and others, but this one is the very best. The people that did this should get some kind of medal for awesomeness and creativity...

From Fox8

An electronic DOT road sign was apparently hacked when a displayed message read "Impeach Obama."

DOT officials told WSOC they had not heard of the display when first contacted on Sunday night, but sent an engineer to correct the sign afterward.

The sign, which was located at the intersection of Unionville-Indian Trail and Ridge roads in Union County, was displayed for an unknown amount of time over the weekend and corrected later Sunday evening.

Several drivers stopped to take pictures of the message.

Electronic road signs were also hacked earlier this year in Rock Hill, S.C. Previously-hacked signs warned of zombies, hunters and tanks in the roadway.

Politically Incorrect

In a local sports bar trivia quiz the other night, I lost by one point. The question was, where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, it's Africa

One of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in cells. It appears that Mexicans and African Americans is not the correct answer.

I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.

A new Muslim clothing shop opened here in Kansas City, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets

You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools

A friend of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend AND her twin. I asked, "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother has a moustache"

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk “I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." to which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard.”

The red cross knocked at my door asking if I could help towards the floods in Pakistan . I said I would love to, but my hose only reaches the bottom of the driveway.

I got this in an email today...

And it was too good not to share... It's a sign from somewhere in Alaska...

Joe Texan sent me an email today...

Joe Texan sent me an email today and I thought I would share it with you...

John's Chicken Farm

John was in the egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets', and ten roosters to fertilize them.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John's favorite rooster, Obama, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed Obama's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. To John's amazement, Obama had thought of a way to do it without work, he had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of Obama, he entered him in the Chicago County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded Obama the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly Obama was a politician. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully next fall, the bells are not always audible.

I gotta get me some of these...

There are a lot of Helen Keller driving school graduates around here. A big stack of these would come in handy...

*** Update***

This picture was sent by Pissed. This isn't what I would call an example of "Helen Keller" parking, this is more "Entitlement Parking". There is a special place in hell for these assholes...

I got this in an email today...

I got this in an email today and I had to share it. This is funny I don't care who you are. Unless you are a terrorist scumbag, then it might not be that funny.

Some of our new policies at work...

Effective March 28, 2011


NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary…

If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.

There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

I got an email from Big Mullet...

This is a very touching story, very hard to read, about two brothers who were separated at birth. It's a story of life and death, and the cruel twist of fate.

It's certain to stir your heart and touch your soul.

This email is one I could not erase before sharing with my friends...

Happy Easter!